Heavy week

I'm doing great, feeling great, but the big C has been on my mind a lot this week.  I got in touch with a former colleague that is my age and is going through chemo and surgery for stage III breast cancer that was discovered while she was pregnant with her (now) 1-month old.  I went with another good friend to their chemo appointment at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance.  And another good friend found out that their dad has stage IV cancer, and they're getting him into chemo ASAP.  A lot of heavy and scary stuff, but everyone is in great hands and have positive futures and outlooks.  Life... it is a crazy one.

The "I've been screened" stickers you have to wear to chemo, on a lamppost outside of the SCCA

I'm reminded of how precious our good health is and how lucky people are that don't have health issues.  And for those of you that have friends that are going through something difficult, this is a pretty good article about how to help, from my friends at Real Simple (I love their mag!).  Please take care of yourself and take care of each other!!

(And for anyone keeping track, I moved my MRI up a week to June 6th, as I'll be in NYC for training the week that it was originally scheduled for.)

Distractions

Tonight I had a minor directional blackout, as I call them, where all of a sudden I was disoriented and didn't know which way to go.  I had just finished a Halloween-themed FlyWheel class in Bellevue with my friend Lindsay, was feeling yoked, and got back to my car at the Bellevue P&R.  I started driving through the parking lot and couldn't figure out if I needed to turn right or left to head towards I-90.  (It's left, as I can clearly picture in my head now and have done tons of times.)  But I had no idea.  Luckily Lindsay pointed me in the correct direction, and then I was good.  But dang.  I haven't had that happen in months, at least 6 months, maybe even longer.  I remember telling Dr. M's (temporary 1-time) replacement at my last MRI that I hadn't had any blackouts in a while either.  Hmph.  Just a subtle reminder of my crazy brain and its little friend...

The passing of my friend Sara has morbidity on my mind.  I get the Sunday paper (for the coupons, mostly) but always read through the main section, the local section, arts & life, etc.  Well, the local section contains obituaries and I sometimes scan them out of curiosity.  I need to stop.  I'm telling you, every time you see a picture of someone relatively young, especially compared to all of the elderly people who have passed, it is due to brain cancer or brain tumors.  Almost every time.  There were 2 young(er) people in Sunday's paper, and both had brain cancer/tumors.  This does me no good.

I think I'm just starting to get nervous for my next MRI, a month and a half away.  I hope that my little tumor friend has been quiet this last 4 and a half months, but who knows.  I'm very lucky to be in my situation with my circumstances, but I can tell I'm getting nervous.  There's just a lot of brain-tumors-and-the-havoc-they-can-wreak on my mind.

I don't know what to title this

I've been off the blogging radar and have intentions of catching up, but today I just have to post.  I am so sad to learn that my fellow tumor dominator Sara Lasky (whose blog I've had linked to the right) passed away about a week ago at the age of 35.  I met her parents at the Portland Brain Tumor Walk last year, and they said she told them to come find the tall Sara with a brain tumor (me) that she'd seen fundraising on the site (Sara was at a wedding and couldn't attend the walk last year).  After that, we got in touch and had emailed a fair amount in the last year.  Finally, this year at the Brain Tumor Walk we were able to meet up for brunch the day after and chat, compare notes, and enjoy a delicious meal.

Sara had such a positive attitude and dry, sarcastic sense of humor (which I enjoyed, of course) and took everything in stride.  At brunch, she no longer had the use of 1 side of her body, was in a wheelchair, and her vision was impaired, but she made jokes about not seeing her side of bacon sitting on the table and was generous with sharing.  She made it all seem like not a big deal.

I've met and become friends with other people with brain tumors, and Sara is the first that I've known personally to have it take her life.  This shit is real.  Brain tumors are horrible.  I am so, so sad for her and her family.  They couldn't be nicer people.

As I continue to raise awareness and funds for research (particularly through the Portland Brain Tumor Walk, for the National Brain Tumor Society), I will keep Sara in my heart and fight these stupid tumors for both of us.  RIP, Sara.

Rest in peace, Kathi

On Friday, I was home watching the KOMO 4 evening news (my station of choice) and Dan Lewis reported that Kathi Goertzen was in the ICU.  I started crying at his announcement, and he said that her family asked everyone at 7:15pm that night to pray for her.  Now, I'm not a praying type of girl, but if I've ever prayed in my life, it was Friday at 7:15pm.

As you probably know, Kathi Goertzen was a longtime anchor on KOMO and I've followed her story for quite a while.  She's a Coug, like me.  She was in Alpha Chi Omega at WSU, like me.  (We used to look at her picture on our composites and feel a sense of pride for our chapter "celebrity.")  And she's been battling brain tumors, like me.  Well, I'm lucky to not have to battle mine; it's more like living with mine.  She's been battling hers for 14 years, with 9 surgeries, radiation, and alternate treatments.  Her tumors weren't even cancerous, just benign tumors that continued to grow.  They took the movement of half of her face, her ability to eat, her ability to talk, and more.

RIP, Kathi

So I was very sad today to take a quick break at work to check the headlines only to see that she passed away, at the age of 54.  I immediately teared up at work and started sniffling, trying to not break into tears at my (borrowed) desk (at Hotwire).  I didn't know Kathi personally, but I felt like I could relate to her so closely and was rooting for her sooo much.  I'm crying as I type this, as we've lost a really inspirational fighter and a tumor-dominating friend and Coug. 

There's a really great video tribute from her longtime co-anchor Dan Lewis on KOMO's site, and I'd recommend watching it.  Get your tissues though.  It's a sad day for all of us.  Rest in peace, Kathi.

DUH-lete (my crappy attitude)!

Okay, I've snapped out of my crappy weekend feeling.  Hooray!!  Had a great talk (and free Starbucks) at work with my VP yesterday, got a lot done at work, met up with my friend Brittany for a delicious grown-up ladies dinner at The Coterie Room, watched the Bachelorette finale a day late with Lynn (Team 1 F! woo hoo!), and received a REALLY awesome gift for cat-sitting my neighbor cat Lola.  Then today I was able to get my bike tire filled up fully (took a few tries... but I think I've figured it out) and went for a nice 12 mile ride.  I knew I'd feel better.

I'm still on the lookout for crazy ladies in my neighborhood though...

My friend Karimi sent me a link for a pretty awesome blog called The Everywhereist.  She said the author sounds like someone I'd be friends with, and she lives in Seattle and travels a ton (and is really funny to boot).  Karimi meant to send me the link a while ago, and coincidentally, the author posted about a month ago that she has a brain tumor and was undergoing surgery.  I'm telling you, these stinking brain tumors are all over the place!!  She has a type of astrocytoma and I'm going to reach out soon.  As crappy as having a brain tumor can be, I love expanding my little tumor dominating network.  :)

Raising funds for excellent causes, yo

Fundraising for the Portland Brain Tumor Walk is in full effect!!  I'm gaining teammates (shout-out to Neil!) and getting closer to reaching my fundraising goal.  As of today:

Love all the Saras on here!

My team and I are each in 2nd place for fundraising so far... Love it!  And the other Sara you see on there is my fellow brain tumor dominator Sara that I've talked about on here.  I'm looking forward to connecting with her at the walk!

I'm at 53% of my goal of $5,236 and am hopeful that I'll reach it.  I know it'll be tough but I'm hoping my friends and family can continue to help support this cause along with me.  :)

In similar news, I signed up to ride in the MS Ride, to benefit the Northwest Chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.  I'm doing a 22-mile leg in September as part of Team Expedia and I'm pretty excited!!!  I've been riding my new bike quite a bit and went 11 miles with my friend Lynn on Monday, and it wasn't bad at all!  So I'm pretty optimistic that 22 miles will be really doable, especially in 2 months from now.  Maybe I'll even decide to upgrade to the 50 mile ride!  (Although let's not get ahead of ourselves... whoa...)  We're getting custom Expedia bike jerseys to wear (side note: I LOVE events with costumes, uniforms, or otherwise matching outfits), and everyone else on the team is super friendly and fun and excited.  I think it's going to be an awesome time!!!!  There is fundraising for this event, but I'm not sharing my link as I'd rather people donate to the NBTS.  (Sorry, MS Society.  Tumors for the win on this one.)

Thanks, friends, for your continued support!!  You don't know how excited I get to receive a new "you have a new donation" email.  :)

"The best gift I ever survived"

My friend Hil sent me a link today at work, but I didn't get a chance to watch it until I got home tonight.  And am I glad I waited, as there were tears involved (but in a good way).  Check out this short (3 minute) video.

While I do agree with most of it, I would love to know where she gets her unsurpassed energy.  ;)  As long as my little tumor friend is silent in there, I feel the same way about the rest of the things she listed.  It's the gift that keeps on giving (ha!).  I'm just hopeful that I've already experienced the negative with my tumor and the rest will just continue to be positive.  My next MRI is on Thursday, and I know that if/when I get good results with no growth, I'll be again reminded of all of the wonderful things that she mentions.

Welcome to the club, Sheryl

Wah wahhh...  My friend Karrie sent me a link to an article today, which talks about Sheryl Crow and her new brain tumor.  Yup, another member of my VIP club has arrived.  She disclosed in an interview for the first time that she discovered that she has a benign brain tumor.  Oh, and let's not forget she's already a breast cancer survivor.  It sounds like the tumor shouldn't cause her too much trouble, and she seems like she's one tough lady, so I'm optimistic that she'll be fine and stay healthy.  It's sad though.  Finding out about people with brain tumors makes me feel a little less alone in this, but it's an awful thing to have happen to someone and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Sheryl and her ex Lance Armstrong, both kickass brain tumor dominators

So now she joins my list of all stars, including Kathi Goertzen (whose story I've followed for a long time, and was in my sorority at Wazzu), Mary Tyler Moore (had surgery right when I did), Ryan Leaf (had surgery right when I did, and fellow Coug), Jerome Harrison (fellow Coug, recently diagnosed during an NFL physical), Lance Armstrong (the ultimate tumor and cancer dominator, whose book helped me get ready for this adventure), and my real-life friends Jess, Krystal, and Sara.  It's TOO MANY.  How wonderful would it be if we could say, "We've reached capacity in the brain tumor club.  No more people can be admitted.  No more brain tumors!"  I know that's cheesy, but how wonderful would that be, truly?!?  Stinking brain tumors!

Two steps forward, zero steps back

I think I'm out of my slump, or nearly there.  Amen!  I went and had a quick meet-and-greet with a counselor tonight after work (recommended by a friend), who has a slightly alternative approach and involves art in her therapy.  She was young and seemed really nice and approachable, with a very soothing and comfortable little office.  I scheduled a full meeting with her for a few weeks from now to try her out.  I'm hoping she'll be a good person for me to talk to, whether I'm feeling slumpy or not.  I can't help but think that talking with a professional will only do good things for my mental health and emotions, even when I'm happy as a clam.  And I'm close.  :)

Cliche-ly stopping to smell the roses (or other flowers that are available)

And in other good progress...  I told a guy about my little tumor friend on a recent 3rd date, and he didn't run away!  Ha!  He said it doesn't change anything or make a difference, asked me a few questions, and mentioned that he thought I'd say something worse (after I prefaced with, "I have something important about myself to tell you.").  I also let it slip that I have 3 kids, but they all live with their respective baby-daddies, so it ain't no thang.  Anyway, it was a big relief and nice to have it out there and not hidden.  Who knows how things will progress, but it feels great to have my fear turn out to be total crap (at least in this case).  Ahhh....  :)

In unrelated news, my tumor-dominating friend Krystal is starting chemotherapy this Friday to try and kick some more tumor cell ass, so please keep her in your thoughts for a successful and smooth treatment!

Big things

Numero uno: I passed the $1,000 fundraising mark today for the Portland Brain Tumor Walk!!  Woo hoo!!!  I'm making fantastic progress towards my goal.  Thank you to everyone that has donated already!  I love this event so much.  :)

Domination.

Numero dos: I met up tonight with my friend Jess, a fellow tumor dominator, and we caught up and compared notes about our experiences.  It is soooo nice to do that.  We are part of a pretty exclusive club, so it's nice when we're able to get a club meeting organized.  Plus she has something interesting up her sleeve.  To be continued!

Numero tres: My funk is slipping away (I think).  My appetite is back, as are the few pounds that left with it, and I'm feeling more upbeat.  I'm still meeting with a counselor next week but I think that would be a good thing for me to do regardless.  This life stuff is nuts and sometimes it just helps to talk to someone whose job it is to listen.

That's the end of my Spanish list of big things.  Happy Dos de Mayo, amigos!

Ugh, Ryan Leaf, you are killing me...

One of my fellow brain tumor dominators and Coug alumni, Ryan Leaf, is acting like that friend you want to root for but just creates situations for themselves that cause them to stumble and fail and make poor decisions and generally not be good in life.  Ryan, as you may recall, had brain surgery to remove a tumor 2 days after I did last May.  He was sober, had surgery WITHOUT pain meds, had turned his life around, was doing good things, and had a great outlook on the future.

And then a week ago he goes and relapses on prescription opiates, breaks into a house to steal pills, gets out on bail, and 4 days later does the same thing.  He's now in jail in Montana, charged with handful of felonies, with no bail, and in (likely) violation of his probation in Texas from years past when he did this same thing.  I think/assume this means prison time.  It makes me sad.  I just shake my head.

I know people, and one in particular (and some of you who read this blog will know who I'm talking about), who talk a lot of smack about Ryan Leaf and doubted his new outlook on life and how he'd changed things, and I would defend him when they said these things.  "Having a brain tumor turns things upside down," I'd say.  "You should give him the benefit of the doubt.  It's changed my perspective, for sure.  It's probably done the same for him."  Plus, who are we to know?!

But now, it makes it hard.  I can't defend him.  His addiction has taken over his life again, and made him do really stupid, careless, harmful things to himself and to the people whose houses he broke into and stole from.  Again.  So many people were giving him a 2nd chance, and rooting for him, and for what.  It's the same old story.  It really makes me sad for him.  (Although, if that one particular person mentions a lick about Ryan Leaf, I will perhaps still punch them in the face.*  It will just be harder to justify.)  Sigh.

Now, back to focusing positive energy on myself and my (other) fellow brain tumor dominators out there.  :)


*I wouldn't actually punch anyone in the face.  I just talk a big game, plus it would hurt my hand...  ;)

Taking care of business

I'm almost a week in to my zombie sleep project, and it's surprisingly quite un-zombielike!  I suppose I'm so used to not enough sleep that the 6 hours I'm allowed to be in bed each night seems about normal.  I'm tired, yes, but no more tired than normal.  I've forced myself to stay up till midnight each night and gotten out of bed at 6am when my alarm goes off (minus over the weekend... really, let's not be ridiculous with this whole thing).  And I feel normal!  Very tired normal, but still.  And the sleep I am getting feels a little better.  Most nights I fall asleep relatively quickly by my standards and am getting decent quality sleep.  I meet with Dr. D on Tuesday to update him with my progress.  We'll see what he says.

I got the confirmation from Pantene Beautiful Lengths about my hair donation!  I think it's being put to very good use for some woman out there who needs it.

Nice mail to receive

My fellow Alpha Chi alum from Wazzu and KOMO regular Kathi Goertzen is having another brain surgery this Wednesday.  When recently asked how many she's had, she couldn't remember, there've been so many.  Her tumor is causing her some serious problems, as she's lost control of part of her face and has issues swallowing and must use a feeding tube.  She also has difficulty talking.  Please keep her in your thoughts this week for a successful surgery!

Back in October, amidst word that fellow tumor dominator Ryan Leaf was starting radiation soon, I *may have* stalked him on FB and sent him a message of support.  You know, why not.  :)  Well, guess who got a response today?!  Me!  Ha!  He says he'd love to be a part of my brain tumor dominating troupe and thanked me for my message and thoughts, and that he'd keep me in his thoughts and prayers as well.  Cougs helping Cougs, 3.5 months later.  :)

On Friday, I met up for happy hour at Zig Zag with a friend who is a breast cancer survivor.  I hadn't had a chance to talk to her much about her experience before, and she was curious about mine as well, so we enjoyed adult beverages, calamari, and margharita pizza and talked.  And it was GREAT!  It is so nice when I get the chance to talk to someone who has been through a similar situation and can really relate to the feelings and emotions and fears and changes.  She is doing really well and it made me so happy to catch up with her!

It's almost Valentine's Day, which is everyone's favorite holiday (especially my single lady friends and myself, duh).  I will have a lovely holiday, thankyouverymuch, filled with sugar.  I received my annual V day care package from my mom that included a special guest.  I also got one of Johnny's famous V day candy jars, filled with tasty treats (Johnny is my friend Syd's dad, and he's made these for Syd and friends as long as I've known her).

YES.

Happy Valentine's Day, friends!  Wah wahhh...  ;)

Slow week

Haven't had much this week to post about (perhaps besides roller skating on Thursday night, which was AWESOME), so here are some of my favorite quotes lately (via Pinterest).

Henry Ward Beecher

Francis de Sales

John Mayer

Albert Einstein

I met with Dr. D, the sleep psychiatrist, this week and he has me clocking my sleep each morning (time to bed, time to fall asleep, times woken up during the night, awake time, time out of bed, etc.).  We'll see what ideas he has for improving my sleep.  I'm meeting with him again this week.

Also, my fellow tumor dominator Sara from Portland (whose dad connected with me at the Portland Brain Tumor Walk last summer and who I've emailed with a bit) is having another brain surgery this Tuesday.  Please keep her in your thoughts for a successful surgery!!!

Good Times and Bald Times

I don't know what my deal is.  I feel so emotional lately and it seems to come on very quickly.  I don't feel especially sad, it's more like I just need to have a really good cry.  I don't like it.  I feel like I'm losing the happiness that I've been feeling so strongly.  Maybe I'm sad, maybe I'm lonely, maybe I'm afraid to tell someone new that I might date that I have a brain tumor (trust me, this NOT information I plan to share quickly), and maybe they'll get freaked out and leave.  Maybe I'm just super emotional.  I just don't know.  I want to snap out of this.

On a brighter note (and one that totally contributed to crying tonight), the Adolescent and Young Adult Oncology Program at Seattle Children’s Hospital released a series of videos a few days ago called "Good Times and Bald Times" and features 8 teen/young adult cancer survivors.  The videos are short and topical and talk about how they feel, treatment, losing their hair, mortality, etc.  I thought they were pretty interesting and could be helpful to teens and young adults (heck, anyone really) going through a cancer diagnosis.  Or if you're looking for a good cry, this may also help.  :)

A fantastic new resource

A few days ago I stumbled upon the site of an organization for young adult (aged 25-40) cancer patients called I'm Too Young For This! Cancer Foundation (or i[2]y).  While my tumor is not cancerous (and hopefully never will be! AMEN), the lifetime "illness" or condition I now have to live with is just about as close as you can get to cancer, IMO.  They're treated the same (surgery, radiation, chemo) and for brain tumors, the line that divides non-cancerous brain tumors from cancerous ones is pretty blurred.  Anyway, long story short, I've found this site to be really helpful and relatable and full of information.

My favorite part is a blog on the site called The Stupid Cancer Blog.  This blog is SO refreshing!!  It offers insight and puts into words some of feelings and experiences that I didn't quite know how to say myself.  It also makes me think, "Wow, I'm not the only one that feels this way!"  And support, even virtual support, is really important.

I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from the blog, as they are spot-on to me.

From "Cancer Frenemies: When Good Friends Say Bad Things":

Cancer can bring out the stupid in people. Complete strangers and well-meaning acquaintances blurt out the most insensitive things right to survivors’ faces. 

Nita, who had a double mastectomy after she got breast cancer in her late twenties, was told by a coworker, “I don’t know why you are so hung up on breasts. Look at me; mine are small.”

Most friends and acquaintances are very supportive, even when they don't know what to say (and I don't blame them).  But the thing that drives me NUTS is when I tell someone about the differences in my brain post-surgery, specifically my completely MIA sense of direction and (dis)ability to orient myself, and the person goes "Oh yeah, my sense of direction sucks too."  I'm sorry, but it is NOT the same thing.  I'm not going to get into details explaining how my brain is now, as I've done it plenty of times on here, but there's a huge difference.  And I know the person is only saying it to make me feel like I'm not alone in my difficulties with direction, but the effect they're getting is the opposite.  And it REALLY bothers me.

From "The Fear of Recurrence: Cancer's Evil Twin":

Friends tried to brush my concerns aside. “You’ll be fine,” they would say. “You shouldn’t worry so much. We could all get hit by a bus tomorrow.” They meant well and they thought they grasped the fleeting nature of life with their freak-accident analogies, but cancer survivors don’t have the luxury of dealing in generalities. We have had been told by medical experts that we have a life threatening illness, and because of the limits of science, we must wait and see if it kills us. Or not.

This blog entry is about the fear or recurrence (ha! duh, from the title) and being hyperaware of what is going on with our bodies.  But this paragraph in particular really resonates with me.  When I've mentioned my fear of death (or more specifically, dying young or dying younger than I would like) to people, I've had people on multiple occasions tell me, "But you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.  There are no guarantees in life."  I KNOW.  But it is very different when there is a tumor or cells living in your body, that you already know is/are there, that will (likely) be the source of your demise someday.  Yes, there are no guarantees in life.  But knowing that I must wait and see if it kills me is a whole different beast.

There's also a blog entry called "Scanitis: When Cancer Screenings Fill You with Dread" that is pretty accurate, about how it feels before each MRI.  I'm pretty certain that I'll never go into an MRI feeling totally confident or remotely relaxed.  I try to prep myself for bad news, as I don't want to be surprised.  It's hard.  But the feeling after getting good news from Dr. M is the most wonderful feeling ever.  EVER.

I feel like I've just vented a bit (feels good!) and that was not my intent by sharing about this blog.  But it's so comforting to read something that someone else wrote that hits home for me.  There is an i[2]y happy hour coming up in Seattle in a couple of weeks (called the Stupid Cancer Happy Hour) that I am really excited to attend.  I'm going with a friend of mine that was diagnosed with cancer in 2011, and possibly a 2nd friend too.  And I can't wait!  It's so refreshing to be around young people (hey, 31 is STILL young, I say!) in a similar situation.  I'm confident that it'll be a much better experience than my attempt at the brain tumor support group.  Yikes.  Will let you know how it goes!

Birthdaaaaaaaay!

One week ago, I celebrated my 31st birthday, also known as Sara's "thank god I'm not 30 anymore" 31st birthday party.  And it was awesome!!  I had (I think) about 40 people turn out and it was held in the Butterfly Lounge at Grim's on Capitol Hill.  I had the space reserved ahead of time, got to bring my iPod with a sweet party playlist (that I spent hours working on after getting input from friends... 'cause that's how I roll), and even had a signature drink that Caleb the bartender created for me.

My friends came from all over the place, and I felt so loved and thankful for the turnout.  Besides my sister and cousin, I had friends from high school, friends from college (both in my sorority and not), friends from PwC, friends from Expedia, and friends of friends that became my friends along the way.  They drove from Portland and Chelan and even flew in from Boise and Dallas!

One of my favorite parts about the night was the fundraising that happened.  I asked people to bring a few bucks cash to contribute to a collection for the National Brain Tumor Society, in lieu of buying me a drink or bringing a gift.  And we raised $285!!!!  I am so thrilled.  Somewhat selfishly, I'm planning on holding onto the cash for now and including it in my fundraising for the next Portland Brain Tumor Walk this summer.  First place in fundraising will be mine this year.  :)

I cannot thank everyone enough for coming to my party and wishing me well; I hope that everyone had a fun time!  I was a little overwhelmed by the kind words written in birthday cards and teared up during a speech that Steph made during the party.  But as we discussed before the party, no crying allowed!  So I held it together.  Barely.

Amy & Steph

Aaron, Dawn, Desi, Maria, Eric, Carl, Molly

Danny and Jess, a fellow brain tumor dominator

Heather, Tiffany, Syd (who brought delicious little cupcakes, thanks!!), Cathleen

Lindsay & Kevin

Mindy & Steph

My dollars and brains collection jar (thanks for the crafting, Mindy!), classy cross stitching, and cupcakes!

Casey, Mindy, and Steph, all the way from Dallas and Boise (and Tacoma!)

Karrie, Steph, Kelly, Denise, Sarah

Me and Jackie O'Lantern, an inside joke with my college girlfriends

Megan, Crystal, Lindsay aka Michael, Brittany

Steph's speech :)

My collection jar, my signature drink recipe (F*30), and Jackie O

I didn't end up with pictures of everyone; if you have some, please send them to me!  31 is feeling good so far and got kicked off with a bang.  I hope everyone had as fantastic of a night as I did!  Thank you ALL for helping me celebrate!!!

Oh so thankful

Happy Thanksgiving (a day early)!  This year's adventure has helped me gain some perspective, and I have a LOT to be thankful for.  Don't we all, though?!?!  In no particular order...

• My family, especially my seester Amy and cousin Steph, who have all gone to appointments with me, taken lots of time off of work to take care of me after surgery, given good advice when I'm feeling anxious or scared or sad, and just been an unending source of love and support.
• My friends, who have made me food, taken me out to dinner to get me out of the house, shared kind words, taken me to appointments, stayed with me after surgery, and also given great advice and been an outlet for me to share my feelings.  They also keep things fun and help to distract me when needed, and are another never-ending source of love and support.
• A job that I enjoy that is low stress, has sweet travel perks, is for a company I love, and comes with fun, supportive coworkers and bosses that have been amazing and flexible.  I could NOT ask for more with my job this year.
• The generosity of my family and friends (and even people I've never even met) with their donations to the National Brain Tumor Society.  I tear up just thinking about it (seriously).
• New friendships and connections with my fellow tumor-dominating lady friends (Krystal, Jess, and Sara).  While I wouldn't wish a stinking brain tumor on anyone, it is comforting to talk with people who are going through the same thing and knowing that I'm not the only one.
• Amazing doctors, some of the best in the country, right at my fingertips.  They are experienced, very skilled, knowledgeable, and have a great bedside manner.  I'm the #1 fan of my neurosurgeon Dr. S and am also loving my neurooncologist Dr. M.
• Great health insurance!!!!!!
• An apartment that I love (all 460 sq. ft. of it), in a nice neighborhood, with a charming view of Lake Union, a kickass rooftop deck, and very supportive management staff.  They gave me a spa gift certificate before surgery and let the people that stayed with me after surgery park in the garage for free.  They all know my name and always ask how I'm doing when I see them (and not just to be polite).  Plus they gave out free Costco pumpkin pies to all residents yesterday!  YUM.
• Health!  Minus a stinking tumor, but nobody's perfect...
• Us Weekly magazines and Starbucks, which became my daily routine during my post-surgery tumor vacation (plus the aforementioned rooftop deck) as I started to venture out.
• TiVo, because it rocks.
• My iPhone and my Garmin, which help navigate me daily now.
• Music... my outlet, my release, my love.  Now if I could only narrow down the songs for my upcoming Best of 2011...
• Travel!  In 2011, I went to Shanghai, Seoul, London, Paris, Boston, New Hampshire, Las Vegas, Missouri, San Francisco, Portland, Victoria, and down the entire West Coast.  I can't WAIT to make 2012 travel plans.  If anyone wants to go somewhere, let me know!
• Pixie haircuts and hats being in style this year.  ;)
• My new perspective and priorities in life: happiness and health.  It's a short list, but the things on it could NOT be more important to me.

What are you thankful for this year?

New friends > dentists

With a dentist appointment this afternoon, and the year I've had, I just KNEW that I would get bad news from them (even though I haven't had a new cavity in years).  Well, sure enough, 1 of my 2 existing fillings came out and needs to be replaced, the other one is being "watched" as it's about to fall out, and I have a tiny new cavity.  I KNEW IT.  I couldn't help but just shake my head as the dentist was telling me.  I cannot catch a break this year.  So guess who's getting 2 fillings on Thursday at a dental par-tay?!  Holler!  And who would rather be dropping $200 on something at Nordstrom than on some stinking fillings?!  This girl!

Things quickly turned for the better though, as I met up with my new friend Jess (a fellow tumor dominator) for the first time.  And she is AWESOME!  We chatted for 2.5 hours, OUTDOORS, and I probably could have kept talking but we needed a restroom and my toes were frozen.  We are in somewhat similar situations (grade 2 astrocytomas, no real symptoms from them, discovered pretty randomly, surgery by Dr. S at UWMC) although hers is a bit more serious currently.  But man, it is SO GOOD to talk to someone who knows what you've been through, really knows!

Jess is very courageous and strong and is really taking her health into her own hands.  While her oncologist is telling her she should start radiation (with really no good reason), she instead is pursuing some alternative treatments that have shrunk tumors in other people.  It is so important to be your own best advocate and do what is best for you, not just what doctors say should be done for cookie cutter brain tumor patients.  I don't know what I would/will do someday if/when they tell me I need radiation, but the more options for treatment, the better!  Jess could be blazing a path that we'll all be walking down someday.  Brain tumor patients, I mean...

It wasn't entirely tumor talk though, as we were able to discuss north central WA (she lived in Wenatchee before moving to Seattle recently), her wonderfully supportive hubby (I'm asking Santa for one myself), changes to life plans and perspectives, her half tough/half skittish dog, etc.  It is really comforting and energizing and refreshing to share with and learn from someone in a similar pair of shoes.

I had such a great evening, not even the dentist can get me down.  :)

My hair is a-growin'!

This may seem like an odd pic, but I wanted to show how well my hair has been growing since the big shave 5 months ago.  It's a little hard to tell, but my hand is up against my head and all that lovely hair shooting out is fresh, flowing (I wish!), shiny hair, almost ready for the big chop.  (It's like the big shave, but more stylish, not performed by a neurosurgeon, and I get to pick how it looks.)

Hair and Dexter, fun Sunday night combo

This week has Barre3 classes, a dentist appointment, a possible hang-out with my new friend Jess, and then a flight to San Francisco to visit Lynn and David and attend a Coug football game with Jacqui and Richard over the weekend.  Should be a good one!

What is in the water?!

Okay, so I know this blog is about me, but I have to include info about my fellow tumor dominators, especially when they grew up in God's country (Pullman, that is) too.  Just tonight the news outlets announced that Jerome Harrison, a 28-YO former Cougar football stud and current Detroit Lions running back, found a brain tumor during a routine NFL physical.  No tumor details yet (obviously, as you need surgery or a biopsy to really find anything out), but scary nonetheless.  They found it early and hopefully he'll be in a similar boat to me; that is, watching and waiting.  (Thanks for the heads up on this, Karrie D.)

I'm telling you...  Be careful with your health, be aware of your health, investigate things that seem weird with your body (without being a hypochondriac), and be SO THANKFUL when you are healthy and happy.  Really, they're what matter the most in life.  TRUST ME.  Health and happiness, people!!!!!