¡Me gusta la musica!

You wanna know a fast way to get me out of a slump?!  Take me to a concert.  Man, I have had some GOOD shows on the calendar lately, with another coming, and they can quickly and easily bring a little bit o' sunshine to my life.  Started with Cults at the Neptune (the theater, not the apartments... I wish!) with Syd, then freakin' Radiohead at Key Arena with Steph, and 2 nights ago my BFFs Coldplay at the Key with Syd.

Cults

With Steph, in one of our self-proclaimed best pics ever ;)

Radiohead (yes, THE Radiohead)

They were all great shows, but it is really tough to top live Coldplay (and Radiohead is a close 2nd for greatest live shows ever, and I've seen A LOT).  Chris, Johnny, Guy, and Will (yes, I know their full names and instruments, obviously) of Coldplay are the BEST.  Super high energy, lots of passion and enjoyment from the band, some pretty kickass theatrics (including the light-up bracelets that everyone received that were programmed to light up and flash along to the songs; coolest concert accessory/gimmick EVER), and some of the most amazing, touching, energizing music of all time.  I love them.  They never disappoint.  We sang, we danced, we giggled, we sighed, we loved it.  And all of the slumpy feelings of late vanished from my system for the evening (and are continuing to vanish) and I could not stop smiling.  Someday when I win Mega Millions (preferably in the next year or so), I may just have to stalk Coldplay and follow their tour around the country.

Part of the stage, plus all of the wristbands

Best concert swag ever!  If only I could get it to light up now...

And to top off this spurt of fantastic musical lovin', I've got tickets for Black Keys coming up and my main loverboy Johnny Mayer released the first video from his upcoming album.  I can't believe he shot it in Idaho and didn't call me!  Ugh, I'll have to talk to him about this one...  But in the meantime, please enjoy.  (And yes, I'll tell him to get a haircut.)

And with that, I wish you a happy Friday!  Have a lovely weekend, and enjoy some music, won't you?!

She's a little slow

I feel a little slow to post these days.  Part of it is that I'm not actively doing anything related to my tumor, which was the original catalyst to starting this blog.  Yes, I'm doing the sleep schedule that Dr. D prescribes and checking in with him weekly.  But other than that... there's not much going on!  I suppose I should be thankful (and I am)...

I'm still feeling a little slumpy but better.  Thank you to those of you who reached out; it feels nice to be loved.  I'm still anxious about telling a potential dater about my tumor sitch, but I have hope that with the right guy or even just a good guy, it won't even matter.  I talked to my friend Karimi at work, and she agreed with the things that Heather said, about guys thinking it's a good thing and me being tough and able to overcome something like that.  I think that the piece that holds me up though is the feeling that I'm not past this, I'm not over it.  If it were something I could totally put behind me forever, I'd shout it from the rooftops!  Take that, stinking brain tumors!  Duh-lete!!  Forever!  But that isn't the case.  I've still got a piece of it in my brain.  I will have to watch it for the rest of my life.  I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable or certain in my health, or at least my brain health.  So I feel like I'm not as confident sharing it with someone when it's an ongoing problem and not something I'm totally done with.  And that's where I feel insecure, that someone won't want to battle this along with me.  And battle isn't even the right word.  Watch.  Live with.  Exist with.  I hope I never have to actually battle it.

I got a recommendation for an interesting sounding counselor from a friend and am hoping to get a complimentary "meet and greet" session set up to see if we're a good fit.  I also contacted the provider at work that gives us free sessions and have some names to call, although I haven't yet.

Bleh.  To be continued.

Feelin' slumpy

I had a fantastic weekend in Victoria with my sister and friends, celebrating her engagement and "last weekend" (not entirely accurate) as a single lady.  It was reeeally great!  Update and pics to come.

In the meantime though, I've found myself in a small slump the last couple of weeks.  A love slump pity party, that is.  My tumor situation is weighing on me a bit more than usual and I'm not sure why, and it's really making me afraid that I will be rejected by men when they find out about it.  I am afraid that I will be thought of as damaged goods, that they won't want to be with someone who may not be around to live an entire lifetime with them, or someone that may not be around to be a mother to their kids (although I don't even know if I want that, in all honesty...).

I had lunch with my friend Heather today, who is a wonderfully supportive and strong friend, and she thought that guys would see my situation as a good thing, like "look at how strong she is, look what she can beat, she can tough it up and survive difficult situations."  Maybe, Heather might be right, but I can't help but think that my tumor will be an immediate turnoff or deal breaker.  I haven't told anyone that I've gone on dates with, and I'm partially afraid to and partially looking forward to being open and just getting it off my chest.  I have to make it to date #4 first though...

My slump is affecting me more than it should.  I don't have as much of an appetite as normal.  I have a weird feeling in my gut at times.  I think the stress in my head is causing stress to my body.  (Don't worry, I am eating.)  I feel constantly on the verge of tears.  I'm just really tired of being single and alone and am afraid that I'll be stuck like this because of my stinking tumor.

I am hoping that I can snap out of this soon.  Maybe I should talk to someone; I think that could help.  We'll see.

Your weekend sendoff

I have a 3-day weekend, which started today at 5pm, as I'm headed up to Victoria early tomorrow morning with my sister Amy, cousin Steph, and a handful of other friends of Amy's to celebrate her bachelorette weekend!  Should be fun but laid back.  It'll involve the Victoria Clipper (a passenger only ferry between Seattle and Victoria), high tea, maybe a spa appointment, Butchart Gardens, and likely some dancing to 80s cover bands.  I'm excited.  :)

To help you prepare for a great weekend (and Friday), please enjoy the ridiculously cool cover of Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know" (a song I am Obsessed with a capital O with) by Walk off the Earth.

(Thanks, Mindy and Casey Teachers!)

Have a great Friday and weekend, friends!

Ugh, Ryan Leaf, you are killing me...

One of my fellow brain tumor dominators and Coug alumni, Ryan Leaf, is acting like that friend you want to root for but just creates situations for themselves that cause them to stumble and fail and make poor decisions and generally not be good in life.  Ryan, as you may recall, had brain surgery to remove a tumor 2 days after I did last May.  He was sober, had surgery WITHOUT pain meds, had turned his life around, was doing good things, and had a great outlook on the future.

And then a week ago he goes and relapses on prescription opiates, breaks into a house to steal pills, gets out on bail, and 4 days later does the same thing.  He's now in jail in Montana, charged with handful of felonies, with no bail, and in (likely) violation of his probation in Texas from years past when he did this same thing.  I think/assume this means prison time.  It makes me sad.  I just shake my head.

I know people, and one in particular (and some of you who read this blog will know who I'm talking about), who talk a lot of smack about Ryan Leaf and doubted his new outlook on life and how he'd changed things, and I would defend him when they said these things.  "Having a brain tumor turns things upside down," I'd say.  "You should give him the benefit of the doubt.  It's changed my perspective, for sure.  It's probably done the same for him."  Plus, who are we to know?!

But now, it makes it hard.  I can't defend him.  His addiction has taken over his life again, and made him do really stupid, careless, harmful things to himself and to the people whose houses he broke into and stole from.  Again.  So many people were giving him a 2nd chance, and rooting for him, and for what.  It's the same old story.  It really makes me sad for him.  (Although, if that one particular person mentions a lick about Ryan Leaf, I will perhaps still punch them in the face.*  It will just be harder to justify.)  Sigh.

Now, back to focusing positive energy on myself and my (other) fellow brain tumor dominators out there.  :)


*I wouldn't actually punch anyone in the face.  I just talk a big game, plus it would hurt my hand...  ;)

One cray cray year

I failed to recognize a recent anniversary on here, which was 1 year from the "we think it's a tumor" (direct quote) call from my doctor (Saturday, March 31st).  Then shit got cray, real cray cray.  (That's crazy, for the uninitiated.  I'm pretty sure.)

And what have I learned this year?  What HAVEN'T I learned, is more like it...

• I have a tall heart that's hard to fit on the screen (per the lady who gave me an EKG)
• I have small ear canals (per a technician who put in earplugs before one of my million MRIs)
• I have a skinny neck (per my sleep neurologist)
• I have a skinny throat/airway (also per my sleep neurologist)
• I have a symmetrical head (per the technician who wired me up for my sleep study)
• I am a VERY difficult IV or blood drawing patient... but I don't need an expert to tell me that
• Women who get migraine with aura should NOT, I repeat, NOT be on estrogen-based birth control; increased risk of stroke!  Eek!!  Even if your lady doctor has said it's okay for years...
• Women who get migraine with aura should also take a daily low dose aspirin, to prevent said strokes
• Snoozing your alarm makes you a worse sleeper (alleged by Dr. D, my sleep doc... but I'm not totally convinced yet)
• Sleep schedules are important for poor sleepers (again, alleged by Dr. D)
• They make hospital beds that they put extenders on, to make the mattress long enough for those of us that are vertically superior
• You can have as much food as you want when you're admitted to the hospital, and it's kind of tasty
• They store secret pudding in the fridge in the ICU; ask for it
• Good insurance is AMAZINGGGGGGGGGG
• Brain surgery is EXPENSIVE
• Tumors are nuts
• Brain tumors specifically are nuts
• Cancer is nuts (mine luckily isn't cancerous at this time, but I'm still gravely aware of how nuts it is)
• Brains need time to recover from pesky surgeries
• Senses of direction are overrated, anyway
• Friends and family are amazing
• I feel like I won the lottery, but instead of people coming out of the woodwork to ask for cash, they've come out of the woodwork to express support and to help where I never expected it
• Life is cray cray
• Things can change in a second, for the good or the bad
• Enjoy what you have
• Focus on being happy and healthy
• Spend time with your friends and family
• Thank those people that help you, verbally and/or via thank you cards (I love mail)
• Pixie haircuts are hot
• Scary medical things, like brain surgery off the top of my head, not only affect you but your loved ones too... don't forget about their struggles and challenges during these times and that they need love and support too
• XXX Vitamin Water is no longer drinkable to me (after using it to take all of my meds after surgery for days)
• One particular ringtone on the iPhone is no longer usable either, after hearing it every 3 hours for days, alerting me to take my meds... gives me nightmares now *shudder*
• Have I mentioned that life is crazy, happiness and health are all that matters, and friends and family are so wonderful?!?

I do love lists... I could go on for days.  Or hours, as I have to stay up till midnight tonight with my current sleep schedule.  Yech.

Tell someone important to you today that you love them and are so appreciative for their support.  And then try to find some pudding...

Celebrating the future Mrs.

Last weekend I hosted a bridal shower for my seester Amy and we had a lovely time!  We played my favorite shower games (a "story of Amy and Eric's relationship" mad lib, sharing marriage advice by writing it on stones, and the newlywed game where I asked Amy what Eric's answers to questions were). During the newlywed game, Amy did remarkably well!  She got 15 of 20 questions right, which I'm pretty sure is the highest score I've ever seen.  My favorite answer was to the question "What is Amy's most overused phrase?" and she matched Eric's answers: "stop" and "you're bugging me."  Hilarious!

I cut up my first pineapple for the rainbow fruit skewers; made caprese skewers with tomatoes, mozzarella, fresh basil, and some balsamic; ridiculously tasty cucumber toasties (which is currently blowing up on my Pinterest page,  I pinned it and it's been repinned 265 times!  GEEZ!), recommended by my friend Courtney; and babycakes from Cupcake Royale.

Amy had a great turnout of family, friends from Chelan, friends from work, friends from Seattle and I really hope everyone had a fun time!!  We are all SO excited for you, Seester!  xoxo

Lavender, salted caramel, and lemon pistachio babycakes

Kellie and Susie, Amy's colleagues

Leslie, Mom, and Lisa

Amy and Jill

Selah, Dedee, Leslie, Mom, Amy, Lisa, Jill, and a sneaky chair lurker

We all do!

Enjoying words for the mad lib game

Cooling rack!  Yeah!!

Sally and Susie, telling twin secrets

The beautiful ribbon bouquet!

Quick outfit change

The fam: Sally, Mom, me, Steph, Amy, Lisa

Chelan ladies: Selah, Amy, Dedee

Next stop is Victoria for the bachelorette adventure next weekend!