I had a fantastic weekend in Victoria with my sister and friends, celebrating her engagement and "last weekend" (not entirely accurate) as a single lady. It was reeeally great! Update and pics to come.
In the meantime though, I've found myself in a small slump the last couple of weeks. A love slump pity party, that is. My tumor situation is weighing on me a bit more than usual and I'm not sure why, and it's really making me afraid that I will be rejected by men when they find out about it. I am afraid that I will be thought of as damaged goods, that they won't want to be with someone who may not be around to live an entire lifetime with them, or someone that may not be around to be a mother to their kids (although I don't even know if I want that, in all honesty...).
I had lunch with my friend Heather today, who is a wonderfully supportive and strong friend, and she thought that guys would see my situation as a good thing, like "look at how strong she is, look what she can beat, she can tough it up and survive difficult situations." Maybe, Heather might be right, but I can't help but think that my tumor will be an immediate turnoff or deal breaker. I haven't told anyone that I've gone on dates with, and I'm partially afraid to and partially looking forward to being open and just getting it off my chest. I have to make it to date #4 first though...
My slump is affecting me more than it should. I don't have as much of an appetite as normal. I have a weird feeling in my gut at times. I think the stress in my head is causing stress to my body. (Don't worry, I am eating.) I feel constantly on the verge of tears. I'm just really tired of being single and alone and am afraid that I'll be stuck like this because of my stinking tumor.
I am hoping that I can snap out of this soon. Maybe I should talk to someone; I think that could help. We'll see.
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