Oops, I did it again

At my appointment with Dr. M on Thursday, I told him about my middle of the night shower.  He didn't seem too concerned, and thinks it's related to stress.  And let me tell you, these MRI appointments bring me stress to no end.  Until I get good results and can relax, that is.

So it blew my mind when that night, Thursday night, the day of my MRI, I showered again in the middle of the night.  Got up, showered, put on lotion, moisturized my face, and wandered back out of the bathroom.  Only then did I subtly decide I could go back to bed, at 11:45pm.  UGH.  I end up really tired in the morning, and lack of sleep usually gives me a headache (and its only cure is more sleep, or more cowbell).

I've got a midnight shower disorder, and the only prescription is more cowbell.

I had figured with the positive MRI results and the stress melting out of my body, I wouldn't do a middle of the night shower again.  It bummed me out, and makes me feel like a total crazy person.  But I've slept pretty much through the night the last couple of nights, so that makes me feel good.  Isn't that silly?  To feel accomplished because you didn't take a crazy person shower in the middle of the night?!?!  Welp, I'll take it!

Next step: Putting a sign on my bathroom mirror that says "If it isn't 6:00, go back to bed."  Let's see if that works!

Uber stressed

My next MRI is in 4 days, and I can tell that it is really wearing on me, more so than anything else in my life does.  I'm sick, likely due to my immune system not being in tip top shape due to stress; I got a cold before my last MRI too.  My feet are cramping more, which is directly stress related for me.  I'm getting a lot of night sweats, plus my crazy middle of the night confusion is happening.  I can cry at the drop of a hat, and have been.  I can tell my body and mind are under a lot of stress right now, and they're not happy.

I'm hopeful for continued good results with my MRI and no tumor growth.  If it is growing, I don't know what I'll do.  But until then, please send positive thoughts, prayers, and vibes my way this Thursday for no growth of that stupid tumor in my head.  Until then, I'm going to try and keep myself distracted with friends and dinners and things like that.  I'll post an update after I get my scan results in a  few days.

Midnight showers bring May flowers

I've mentioned on here the issues I have with determining what time it is when I wake up in the middle of the night.  I see the clock saying 3:30am, but I cannot comprehend whether I can get up, whether I'm late for work, whether I can go back to sleep, etc.  Wednesday night took it to a whole new level.

I went to Deck the Hall Ball (an awesome 9-band concert that lasted 8 hours) on Tuesday night and so I was super tired on Wednesday.  So Wednesday night I went to bed at 9pm (yes, I'm old and lame, I know).  I konked out for a few hours and awoke at 12:30am.  I was so convinced that it was time to get ready for work, I got out of bed, started the shower, TOOK A SHOWER (while thinking, man, I am sooo tired right now), applied lotion, moisturized my face, put on my bathrobe, and wandered back out of the bathroom.  At that point I realized that it was in fact the middle of the night (and kind of early, actually) so I went back to bed in my bathrobe and with wet hair.  Ughhhhhhhhhhhh....

"This blog doesn't have enough clip art!" said nobody ever.

The weird thing is, once I realized it was okay to go to sleep and that my alarm had not actually gone off, it makes me feel like going back to bed is the totally normal thing after taking a totally normal midnight shower.  I don't have this *d'oh* moment where I realize what I've done.  It just seems completely okay that I got up and showered and now am going back to bed.  It's not until the morning that I want to slam my palm to my forehead.  I don't get it.

This stuff makes me paranoid that my little tumor friend is growing and getting into trouble.  Especially with my MRI less than a week away, I'm a little on edge about the whole thing... and at the same time thinking this midnight shower thing is pretty ridiculous and kind of funny.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

I think I've mentioned it on here, but I have this thing since surgery where I get really disoriented in the middle of the night about the time.  As in, I wake up, see it says 2am on the clock, and cannot comprehend what that means.  Do I need to get out of bed?  Did I sleep past my alarm?  I can see it's dark out and quiet in the city, but should I be at work right now?  My alarm didn't go off, but shouldn't I be up?  It usually takes me a minute or 2 to realize I can go back to sleep.  It sort of comes and goes, but has been happening more recently.

Well, last night I awoke around 3am, determined it was time to be up, went into my bathroom, turned on the shower, and was about to get in it when I decided to come back out into the kitchen for a final peek at the clock.  Then I realized, it's still quite dark, and it's a bit quiet out, and I didn't think my alarm had gone off...  So I reluctantly turned the shower off and climbed back into bed.  I woke up a couple more times, checking the time on my alarm clock and on my phone and in my kitchen (I can see my microwave and stove digital clocks from my bed).  I finally got it through my head that I could sleep until my alarm.

It's such an odd, panicky, disoriented (temporary) feeling.  It never ever happens during the day but seems to happen nearly every time I wake up and feel obligated to check the time (sometimes I don't feel the urge to check the clock, in which case I'm totally fine and go back to sleep).  Makes me feel a tiny bit crazy...!  Eek!  But you know, if this is one of the few things that I have to deal with post-surgery, I can handle it gladly!

Sleep it up, let it out

I met last week with Dr. D, my sleep doc, for a final appointment.  While I wasn't keeping track of my sleep on a log, he wanted me to try and stick to a sleep schedule up until then and take mental notes on how I was doing.  Well, I'm not sure if I'm sleeping much differently than before I started seeing him.  I'm sleeping better than when I started the sleep schedule and had to really restrict my sleeping, but I feel about the same otherwise.  Maybe I'm just destined to sleep like this?  Who knows.  I have been trying not to go to bed before 11pm, so that I'm tired enough and won't take as long to fall asleep.  But other than that, I'm not sure I've taken much from this.  Well, besides the fact that this may just be as good as it gets.  Sigh.  I didn't expect a ton so I'm not that disappointed.  But I do know it could be worse!

I also met last week with M, the counselor that was recommended to me by a friend.  We talked about things and I came away from our (emotional) talk with some goals for counseling of learning to accept my situation, knowing how to deal with stress and emotion from it, and really just having someone to talk to when I feel like I need it.  She talked about thinking of my tumor as a friend that will be with me forever, instead of as an enemy inside of me.  Maybe naming it (which I've considered) and creating some sort of special "place" to keep it, like a happy little place to keep it happy made via crafting of some sort.  I'm feeling good these days, even with my upcoming MRI next week, but know it will be good to have someone I can talk to when I feel like I need it.  I have an appointment scheduled with her again for a month from now.  We'll see if this is helpful and what I can take from it.  (More) acceptance, I hope!

Sucky sleepy time

I met with Dr. D this morning for my weekly sleep chat, and we talked about my progress, or lack thereof.  We've been extending the amount of time I can be in bed each night and am finally at a length of time similar to when I would normally go to bed before we started all this sleep doc business.  And I feel just as tired and think I'm getting the same quality (read: low) of sleep that I got before.  Things feel no different.

Dr. D finally told me today, "I'm not sure what else we can do."  Awesome.  I'm meeting with him again in 4 weeks, after I get back from Dallas (upcoming work trip).  In the meantime, I don't have to log my sleep each morning like I do now, but I should try and stay on a sleep schedule, adjusting the amount of time I can stay in bed each night as necessary.  He also thinks that since my sleep has been poor for so long (i.e. years, a decade or so) that I can't expect it to improve overnight (pun intended).  Perhaps I need to be more patient and lower my expectations of the process a bit.

He thinks that there are other things in my life that are likely impacting my sleep, like stress from work and my tumor and the love life issues I'm struggling with.  I'm sure he's right but am not sure what can be changed about these things.  He also told me that if a guy rejects me because of my tumor, he's a very shallow man and not someone worth wasting my time on.  Dr. D is in the majority of people I've talked to that thinks I won't be rejected because of my tumor.  I hope everyone is right...!

I'm continuing to feel totally disoriented about time when I wake up in the middle of the night (which I think I've mentioned before and is a new development since surgery).  Like last night, I woke up, saw it was 2:45am on the clock, and I could NOT comprehend if that meant I could go back to sleep or if I needed to get up and shower.  I saw it was really dark out, but that didn't help, as my brain couldn't figure out what that meant either.  It's very confusing and bizarre, and last night it probably took 30 seconds before I realized that I could go back to sleep and that my alarm would wake me up in a few hours and I hadn't slept through work.  It's so weird.

I am feeling pretty exhausted tonight and am hopeful that it means I'll be able to konk out pretty quickly once I get in bed.  Fingers crossed! (Zzzzz....)

She's a little slow

I feel a little slow to post these days.  Part of it is that I'm not actively doing anything related to my tumor, which was the original catalyst to starting this blog.  Yes, I'm doing the sleep schedule that Dr. D prescribes and checking in with him weekly.  But other than that... there's not much going on!  I suppose I should be thankful (and I am)...

I'm still feeling a little slumpy but better.  Thank you to those of you who reached out; it feels nice to be loved.  I'm still anxious about telling a potential dater about my tumor sitch, but I have hope that with the right guy or even just a good guy, it won't even matter.  I talked to my friend Karimi at work, and she agreed with the things that Heather said, about guys thinking it's a good thing and me being tough and able to overcome something like that.  I think that the piece that holds me up though is the feeling that I'm not past this, I'm not over it.  If it were something I could totally put behind me forever, I'd shout it from the rooftops!  Take that, stinking brain tumors!  Duh-lete!!  Forever!  But that isn't the case.  I've still got a piece of it in my brain.  I will have to watch it for the rest of my life.  I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable or certain in my health, or at least my brain health.  So I feel like I'm not as confident sharing it with someone when it's an ongoing problem and not something I'm totally done with.  And that's where I feel insecure, that someone won't want to battle this along with me.  And battle isn't even the right word.  Watch.  Live with.  Exist with.  I hope I never have to actually battle it.

I got a recommendation for an interesting sounding counselor from a friend and am hoping to get a complimentary "meet and greet" session set up to see if we're a good fit.  I also contacted the provider at work that gives us free sessions and have some names to call, although I haven't yet.

Bleh.  To be continued.

One cray cray year

I failed to recognize a recent anniversary on here, which was 1 year from the "we think it's a tumor" (direct quote) call from my doctor (Saturday, March 31st).  Then shit got cray, real cray cray.  (That's crazy, for the uninitiated.  I'm pretty sure.)

And what have I learned this year?  What HAVEN'T I learned, is more like it...

• I have a tall heart that's hard to fit on the screen (per the lady who gave me an EKG)
• I have small ear canals (per a technician who put in earplugs before one of my million MRIs)
• I have a skinny neck (per my sleep neurologist)
• I have a skinny throat/airway (also per my sleep neurologist)
• I have a symmetrical head (per the technician who wired me up for my sleep study)
• I am a VERY difficult IV or blood drawing patient... but I don't need an expert to tell me that
• Women who get migraine with aura should NOT, I repeat, NOT be on estrogen-based birth control; increased risk of stroke!  Eek!!  Even if your lady doctor has said it's okay for years...
• Women who get migraine with aura should also take a daily low dose aspirin, to prevent said strokes
• Snoozing your alarm makes you a worse sleeper (alleged by Dr. D, my sleep doc... but I'm not totally convinced yet)
• Sleep schedules are important for poor sleepers (again, alleged by Dr. D)
• They make hospital beds that they put extenders on, to make the mattress long enough for those of us that are vertically superior
• You can have as much food as you want when you're admitted to the hospital, and it's kind of tasty
• They store secret pudding in the fridge in the ICU; ask for it
• Good insurance is AMAZINGGGGGGGGGG
• Brain surgery is EXPENSIVE
• Tumors are nuts
• Brain tumors specifically are nuts
• Cancer is nuts (mine luckily isn't cancerous at this time, but I'm still gravely aware of how nuts it is)
• Brains need time to recover from pesky surgeries
• Senses of direction are overrated, anyway
• Friends and family are amazing
• I feel like I won the lottery, but instead of people coming out of the woodwork to ask for cash, they've come out of the woodwork to express support and to help where I never expected it
• Life is cray cray
• Things can change in a second, for the good or the bad
• Enjoy what you have
• Focus on being happy and healthy
• Spend time with your friends and family
• Thank those people that help you, verbally and/or via thank you cards (I love mail)
• Pixie haircuts are hot
• Scary medical things, like brain surgery off the top of my head, not only affect you but your loved ones too... don't forget about their struggles and challenges during these times and that they need love and support too
• XXX Vitamin Water is no longer drinkable to me (after using it to take all of my meds after surgery for days)
• One particular ringtone on the iPhone is no longer usable either, after hearing it every 3 hours for days, alerting me to take my meds... gives me nightmares now *shudder*
• Have I mentioned that life is crazy, happiness and health are all that matters, and friends and family are so wonderful?!?

I do love lists... I could go on for days.  Or hours, as I have to stay up till midnight tonight with my current sleep schedule.  Yech.

Tell someone important to you today that you love them and are so appreciative for their support.  And then try to find some pudding...

Taking care of business

I'm almost a week in to my zombie sleep project, and it's surprisingly quite un-zombielike!  I suppose I'm so used to not enough sleep that the 6 hours I'm allowed to be in bed each night seems about normal.  I'm tired, yes, but no more tired than normal.  I've forced myself to stay up till midnight each night and gotten out of bed at 6am when my alarm goes off (minus over the weekend... really, let's not be ridiculous with this whole thing).  And I feel normal!  Very tired normal, but still.  And the sleep I am getting feels a little better.  Most nights I fall asleep relatively quickly by my standards and am getting decent quality sleep.  I meet with Dr. D on Tuesday to update him with my progress.  We'll see what he says.

I got the confirmation from Pantene Beautiful Lengths about my hair donation!  I think it's being put to very good use for some woman out there who needs it.

Nice mail to receive

My fellow Alpha Chi alum from Wazzu and KOMO regular Kathi Goertzen is having another brain surgery this Wednesday.  When recently asked how many she's had, she couldn't remember, there've been so many.  Her tumor is causing her some serious problems, as she's lost control of part of her face and has issues swallowing and must use a feeding tube.  She also has difficulty talking.  Please keep her in your thoughts this week for a successful surgery!

Back in October, amidst word that fellow tumor dominator Ryan Leaf was starting radiation soon, I *may have* stalked him on FB and sent him a message of support.  You know, why not.  :)  Well, guess who got a response today?!  Me!  Ha!  He says he'd love to be a part of my brain tumor dominating troupe and thanked me for my message and thoughts, and that he'd keep me in his thoughts and prayers as well.  Cougs helping Cougs, 3.5 months later.  :)

On Friday, I met up for happy hour at Zig Zag with a friend who is a breast cancer survivor.  I hadn't had a chance to talk to her much about her experience before, and she was curious about mine as well, so we enjoyed adult beverages, calamari, and margharita pizza and talked.  And it was GREAT!  It is so nice when I get the chance to talk to someone who has been through a similar situation and can really relate to the feelings and emotions and fears and changes.  She is doing really well and it made me so happy to catch up with her!

It's almost Valentine's Day, which is everyone's favorite holiday (especially my single lady friends and myself, duh).  I will have a lovely holiday, thankyouverymuch, filled with sugar.  I received my annual V day care package from my mom that included a special guest.  I also got one of Johnny's famous V day candy jars, filled with tasty treats (Johnny is my friend Syd's dad, and he's made these for Syd and friends as long as I've known her).

YES.

Happy Valentine's Day, friends!  Wah wahhh...  ;)

Attack of the zombie

I am about to be a zombie.  Well, at least for a week, but maybe longer (up until my trip).  I met with Dr. D, my sleep psychiatrist, this morning and he's got me on the fast track to zombie-land.

Me this week, if I were Mila Kunis and about a foot shorter (and with a wonky zombie eye?!)

So I've been tracking my sleep for the last week, and today he went through my log.  He calculated the estimated amount of actual sleep I've gotten each night (not including times lying awake in bed) and came up with an average of 5.5 hours per night.  Not good.  Then you add 30 minutes to that, equaling 6 total hours.  

For the next week, I only get to be in bed for 6 hours each night.  That means that if I want to get out of bed at 6am, I am not allowed to get into bed until midnight.  If I want to "sleep in" till 6:30am, I can't go to bed until 12:30am.   This schedule is supposed to stay in place on the weekend too; BUMMER.

I'm also not allowed to snooze my alarm in the morning, which will be VERY challenging for me.  I'm a serial snoozer, setting my alarm at least 30 minutes earlier than I actually want to get out of bed.  Dr. D told me that serial snoozing actually negatively impacts your sleep, as your body gets conditioned to being in bed but not being asleep.  Which leads to the whole purpose of this zombie exercise.  This is supposed to shock my body into only sleeping when I'm in bed.  No lying awake, no snoozing, nothing.  Plus, I think with such little sleep each night, I'm going to be EXHAUSTED and will hopefully konk out very quickly.  There are no restrictions on caffeine, which will help.  But I have a feeling this week is going to be ROUGH.  I already warned my coworkers that if they hear snoring, it'll be coming from my desk.

After doing the 6 hours/night for a week or so, we can begin to add time to that in 15 minute increments.  We can do that up to the point that I end up spending time in bed but not sleeping.  Then we reel it back 15 minutes.  Hopefully this will teach my body to only sleep in that comfy bed of mine.

Who knows if this will work, but I'm almost willing to try anything.  It'll take some discipline, so hopefully I can do it.  It better be worth it though... I am about to become zombified!  Eek!!

Slow week

Haven't had much this week to post about (perhaps besides roller skating on Thursday night, which was AWESOME), so here are some of my favorite quotes lately (via Pinterest).

Henry Ward Beecher

Francis de Sales

John Mayer

Albert Einstein

I met with Dr. D, the sleep psychiatrist, this week and he has me clocking my sleep each morning (time to bed, time to fall asleep, times woken up during the night, awake time, time out of bed, etc.).  We'll see what ideas he has for improving my sleep.  I'm meeting with him again this week.

Also, my fellow tumor dominator Sara from Portland (whose dad connected with me at the Portland Brain Tumor Walk last summer and who I've emailed with a bit) is having another brain surgery this Tuesday.  Please keep her in your thoughts for a successful surgery!!!

My stupid burden

I have been feeling so good, so happy, but I know that I can't feel that wonderful all the time.  Tonight, my spirit broke a tiny bit.  I haven't cried in a while, maybe a month.  That's pretty good, considering the year I've had.  :)  But tonight I was sitting at home, flipping through an issue of Women's Health magazine, when I came across an article about the risk of stroke to women.  Specifically, they talk about the relationship between strokes and migraines.  It says:

"[According to] an associate professor of clinical neurology... women who have migraines with aura need to take extra care to live healthy lifestyles to lower their risk for stroke."

About 20% of migraine sufferers get aura symptoms with their migraines, and I am one of those lucky women.  I get visual disturbances mostly, but in the past I've also had numbness and tingling in my face.  I get the vision stuff before the headache, so it signals me to take my migraine medicine, and I feel lucky for the heads up.  I take a low-dose aspirin everyday to help lower my risk of stroke, specifically because of my migraines with aura.

Something about that sentence just got to me tonight though.  I immediately started crying.  This migraine stuff isn't new for me by any means (it started in middle school), but sometimes, like tonight, it just feels like so much.  Stupid migraines with aura that increase my risk of stroke, my tumor and the vision and directional challenges that come with it, circulation issues in my feet, sleep problems, (non-dangerous) heart palpitations, and the still mysterious tingling arm and hand from a year ago (but luckily, it rarely happens).  I'm just having a little pity party for myself and wishing that I didn't have to deal with the health issues I have nor worry about what they mean for my life.  I am by no means the only person to have health challenges, everyone does.  But tonight they just feel a little heavier than I would like.  And I'm sad for that.

I have weird thetas

I had my follow-up appointment with Dr. B at the Harborview Sleep Clinic this morning, to get the results of my recent sleep study.  My results were completely in line with nearly every other results appointment I've ever had: "You have some abnormalities, but we don't know if they mean anything."  Do you know how many times I've heard that?!  They never really turn out to mean much (or they just remain a mystery, which is always reassuring when it comes to health), with my tumor being the one exception.  But even when I got my first MRI results back in January or February of 2011, my neurologist Dr. K said "There's a weird spot on your scan, but we don't think it means anything."  That weird spot ended up being my tumor.  Anyhoo, I digress...

Dr. B said that I got about 4 hours of sleep during my study, which is pretty much what I guessed on the morning after survey.  He agreed that it took me a while to fall asleep and was a light sleeper.

My first abnormality: My REM sleep.  Normally, people move through sleep cycles each night, with REM sleep occurring every 90 minutes or so.  The non-REM sleep is slow wave sleep.  I had a normal percentage of my sleep that was REM sleep versus slow wave sleep.  However, instead of having REM every 90 minutes, I only had 1 big chunk of REM at the very end of the night.  Unusual, per Dr. B, but we don't know if it means anything.  He's not worried about it.

My second abnormality: My slow theta brain waves.  Back when I had my 2 EEGs last year, they noted that I have slow theta brain waves.  They told me that they don't know what it means but that they're not really concerned.  And apparently back when I had an EEG in 1995, they noted the slow theta waves then too.  Dr. B told me today that I had slow theta brain waves during my sleep study, and that they lasted the entire time I was there.  THAT is the part that's weird.  Normally slow theta activity happens when you're coming in and out of sleep.  Dr. B has NEVER seen it as lengthy or as significant as mine.  So it's very unusual (I prefer "special" or "VIP" myself), but again, we don't know if it means anything.  He's not concerned about it but seems intrigued.

I also have some minor sleep apnea issues, where my airway was slightly constricted a few times, although it was less frequent and less significant than what is required for an actual sleep apnea diagnosis.  But I've heard from friends that have done sleep studies that they tell everyone they have sleep apnea issues.  So I'm not overly concerned (or even concerned at all) about this part, nor was Dr. B.

So, the moral of the story is that my pesky brain is so weird!  (That's my analysis, not Dr. B's.)  He's going to treat me more as an insomnia patient and not a sleep apnea patient.  He's referring me to a psychiatrist ('cause I'm nuts! kidding) that the Sleep Clinic works with, and that psychiatrist will help teach me some tricks/habits to hopefully help improve my sleep naturally.  Down the road, we can explore drugs (no thanks) or using a sleep machine (no thanks) if needed.  So we'll see!!  My appointment with Dr. D, the psychiatrist, is in 2 weeks.

I wonder if my slow theta waves are the reason I'm always so tired and sleepy...?  Who knows.  Dr. B seemed a little curious/intrigued about my results today, but they're pretty much what I expected.  I have abnormalities, but we don't know what they mean or even if they matter.  Story of my life.  Oh, and Dr. B noticed that I cut my hair since my previous appointment with him.  Cracks me up.  :)

Slumber party at Harborview

Last night I did a sleep study at the Sleep Clinic at Harborview.  Can you think of anything else you'd rather do on a Friday night?!  They were testing for the normal sleepy things, with a couple of exceptions.  I didn't have to wear a mask since they don't think I have normal sleep apnea, and I got to wear extra wires to monitor my brain activity for seizures, funky brainwaves, etc. since I have a higher maintenance brain now.

Looks comfortable, right?!

Sandy, my technician, got me all wired up and tied in over about 45 minutes.  Then I got to hang out in my hotel-like room until lights out at 11pm.  Then she plugged me into the computer, had me do some tests (move your eyes, wiggle your feet, etc.), and turned on the infrared and video cameras.  And it was off to sleep!  Too bad I'm a super light sleeper and ambulances (and poor falling asleep abilities in general) kept me from falling asleep for a long time... sigh...

Thumbs up all around

Even though it was cold in the room and I didn't have a ton of blankets, I kept getting sweaty (TMI? sorry...) so Sandy came in in the middle of the night 3 times to wake me up and wipe down my scalp with alcohol.  Then she woke me up bright and early at 5:55am to get up!  Nothing like being up at the butt crack of dawn on a Saturday.  :)

Yes boys, I'm single, take a number.

Sandy isn't allowed to give me any specific results or information at the time, but she did say that I didn't do anything bizarre or embarrassing in my sleep, and that yes, it took me a long time to fall asleep and then was a light sleeper after that.  Just like I told said on my form.

I get my results from Dr. B on the 17th.  I'm assuming he'll just tell me I'm hard wired to be a poor sleeper, but there could be something more going on in there that we can fix, which would be fantastic.  To be continued.  Although I did get some pretty good catch-up sleep this morning when I got home.  :)

Random bullet point list

I love lists.  Listy list lists.

• For a couple months after surgery, I'd get this thing where when my heartbeat is elevated, it pounded super hard in my head.  It's very uncomfortable and kept me from wanting to work out or even walk fast up hills.  Then it got better.  Well... it's been doing it again.  A lot.  It just about stops me in my tracks.  It's bizarre and quite annoying and slightly painful.  :(
• When I get home at night, all I do all evening long is run my hands through my hair.  It gets all puffed up and looks QUITE gorgeous, and it feels good on my head.  Plus it feels cool to my hands, since my head feels so different than it has my whole life.  So, needless to say, if I see you after 7pm, my hair is probably looking REALLY good.  I'm currently taking volunteers for head rubs and hair puffing.
• The cleaning out and cleaning up of my life continues.  I turned in probably around 75 CDs to Easy Street today to sell back to them, and they took all but 3 (that were scratched).  It earned me $162 in store credit!  Yessssss!  And got some old clutter out of the way.
• I'm thrilled and relieved to have gotten such great feedback on my new haircut!  I knew my girlfriends would like it, but I've received (very unexpected) compliments from heterosexual males ("stunning," "amazing," "supermodel," "better than before").  I'm amazed and VERY flattered.  And I'm sooo glad that my short 'do isn't a turnoff!  ;)
• I talked to Dr. M a bit at my last MRI appointment about my tumor, what he expects, brain cancer, etc.  I'll post a separate update to include the information I received.  It was reassuring.
• My new haircut gives me the best bedhead EVER!  I've been tempted many mornings to take a picture.  Maybe I'll do it one of these days.
• I recently finished some pretty badass crafting.  I'll share results soon...
• I never posted anything about my appointment at the sleep clinic (which was sandwiched between the days of my MRI and haircut... it was a busy few days!).  I met with a new neurologist, Dr. B, and talked to him about my sleep issues.  Most I've had all my life but some have been even worse since surgery.  He was really nice and seemed intrigued by my situation, so I have a sleep study scheduled for tomorrow night.  I'll go to Harborview around 7pm, stay the night there in a special hotel-like room with lots of monitors hooked up to me (lights out at 11pm), and they'll wake me up at 7am.  I can shower there in my private bathroom to get the goo out of my hair and then I'll get the results from Dr. B a couple of weeks later.  Should be interesting!!

That's all.

Big week. Big. HUGE.

(Picture me saying that all like Julia Roberts, my celebrity doppelganger, in Pretty Woman, when she goes back to the Rodeo Drive saleswoman that didn't help her the day before.  "Big mistake.  Big.  HUGE.")

This is a grande one, folks.  One of the biggest of my year.  Allow me to break it down:

• Monday (tomorrow): Happy hour with #1 Chili Dawwwg (AKA my former Expedia coworker Sosena).
• Tuesday: Holiday cooking class with Sydnie at The Pantry at Delancey, where we will be making individual jars of bourbon butterscotch sauce, black pepper and sharp cheddar cheese straws, peanut butter sesame meringue cookies, and spicy dark chocolate cocoa nib bark with dried apricots.  Hallelujah.  Also, the new Black Keys album comes out.  :)
• Wednesday: My day of rest.  I am VERY reluctantly passing up on Deck the Hall Ball and it's ridiculously kickass lineup (Mumford & Sons, Death Cab for Cutie, Foster the People, Grouplove, etc.) to be well rested and prepared for....
• THURSDAY: My next MRI.  Check-in at 7:30am, scan at 8am, results with Dr. M at 9:30am.  Once I get my positive results (fingers are nearly permanently crossed at this point), the day will only get better with the Florence & the Machine tickets that I have for that night (with opener The Head and the Heart) with my seester Amy.
• Friday: Sleep clinic appointment with a neurologist at Harborview.  And that night, sold out Jingle Bell Bingo Karaoke at the Greenwood Senior Center.  Jealous?  No?!  You should be!!!
• SATURDAY: My haircut.  That is, assuming I get a clean bill of health at my MRI appointment.  Amy will be there to document the experience in photographs.  And perhaps to hand me tissues.  I think I may not cry since I feel pretty ready but Amy says she'd bet just about anything that I will.  Get your own bets in, folks.  That night, I'll be sporting a new pixie 'do, lovely sequined Christmas tree headband, and my favorite "ugly" (really, it's more gorgeous) holiday sweater at the annual Tacoma Ugly Sweater Pub Crawl.
• Sunday: I get to start breathing again.

I am both exhausted and excited just thinking about it!

My eyes are happy again!

While I'm still nervous for my upcoming MRI, I am feeling a lot better as my eyes have started playing nice again.  For the last couple of days, they haven't felt strained or tired or had the focus issues they'd been having for the last week.  WOOOO HOOO!!!  Eye issues are exhausting, so I'm feeling a lot better!  I'm relieved that they're just back to (post-surgery) normal again.

I'm also really trying to optimize my sleep as much as I can.  I may have gone to bed at 9:30pm a couple times this week, just like the cool kids.  Not sure it's working, as I'm still pretty tiiiired, but it can't hurt.  I also got an appointment scheduled to see a sleep clinic neurologist the day after my MRI, so I'm hopeful that he'll be able to help.

These small positive steps forward have pushed me to keep moving my home life forward.  I did some serious cleaning out tonight (peace out, old books; happy electronic recycling, old TiVo; see you never, random bathroom goods).  Great Friday night, right?!  ;)

I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend with more organizing and cleaning, Breakfast Club with my ladies, and an acupuncture session (first one in almost a year).  Happy Friday, friends!!