I met last week with Dr. D, my sleep doc, for a final appointment. While I wasn't keeping track of my sleep on a log, he wanted me to try and stick to a sleep schedule up until then and take mental notes on how I was doing. Well, I'm not sure if I'm sleeping much differently than before I started seeing him. I'm sleeping better than when I started the sleep schedule and had to really restrict my sleeping, but I feel about the same otherwise. Maybe I'm just destined to sleep like this? Who knows. I have been trying not to go to bed before 11pm, so that I'm tired enough and won't take as long to fall asleep. But other than that, I'm not sure I've taken much from this. Well, besides the fact that this may just be as good as it gets. Sigh. I didn't expect a ton so I'm not that disappointed. But I do know it could be worse!
I also met last week with M, the counselor that was recommended to me by a friend. We talked about things and I came away from our (emotional) talk with some goals for counseling of learning to accept my situation, knowing how to deal with stress and emotion from it, and really just having someone to talk to when I feel like I need it. She talked about thinking of my tumor as a friend that will be with me forever, instead of as an enemy inside of me. Maybe naming it (which I've considered) and creating some sort of special "place" to keep it, like a happy little place to keep it happy made via crafting of some sort. I'm feeling good these days, even with my upcoming MRI next week, but know it will be good to have someone I can talk to when I feel like I need it. I have an appointment scheduled with her again for a month from now. We'll see if this is helpful and what I can take from it. (More) acceptance, I hope!
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