My stupid burden

I have been feeling so good, so happy, but I know that I can't feel that wonderful all the time.  Tonight, my spirit broke a tiny bit.  I haven't cried in a while, maybe a month.  That's pretty good, considering the year I've had.  :)  But tonight I was sitting at home, flipping through an issue of Women's Health magazine, when I came across an article about the risk of stroke to women.  Specifically, they talk about the relationship between strokes and migraines.  It says:

"[According to] an associate professor of clinical neurology... women who have migraines with aura need to take extra care to live healthy lifestyles to lower their risk for stroke."

About 20% of migraine sufferers get aura symptoms with their migraines, and I am one of those lucky women.  I get visual disturbances mostly, but in the past I've also had numbness and tingling in my face.  I get the vision stuff before the headache, so it signals me to take my migraine medicine, and I feel lucky for the heads up.  I take a low-dose aspirin everyday to help lower my risk of stroke, specifically because of my migraines with aura.

Something about that sentence just got to me tonight though.  I immediately started crying.  This migraine stuff isn't new for me by any means (it started in middle school), but sometimes, like tonight, it just feels like so much.  Stupid migraines with aura that increase my risk of stroke, my tumor and the vision and directional challenges that come with it, circulation issues in my feet, sleep problems, (non-dangerous) heart palpitations, and the still mysterious tingling arm and hand from a year ago (but luckily, it rarely happens).  I'm just having a little pity party for myself and wishing that I didn't have to deal with the health issues I have nor worry about what they mean for my life.  I am by no means the only person to have health challenges, everyone does.  But tonight they just feel a little heavier than I would like.  And I'm sad for that.