My "new" (temporary...?) reality

Before surgery, I was told to expect headaches, incision pain, and feeling VERY tired.  When I asked if there would be differences with the function of my brain, my doctors told me that they didn't think there would be any differences.  Perhaps I was naive to think that I could get a craniotomy (your vocab word for the day) and have them judo chop my brain open without any consequence, but there HAVE been differences.  It is VERY bizarre to have your brain function differently than you've known your entire life, and besides the ridiculous emotional toll, adjusting to the differences has been pretty challenging for me.

I am lightheaded and slightly loopy and dizzy nearly ALL the time.  It gets better and worse, depending on if I'm moving quickly or have been resting, and I've had a couple mornings where I've felt totally normal ("old" normal!) temporarily and they have been great.  But 99% of the time I'm on the lightheaded side and a little out of balance.  Hopefully this will continue to get better over time (and I think it will).

My eyes don't focus quite like they used to and get tired pretty easily, but it's getting better all the time.  I still haven't read any books but am able to flip through magazines with articles now (but I do love my Us Weeklys too, of course).  I'm able to watch more television too without my eyes getting tired.  Besides the lightheadedness, my eyes are the part that make me the most nervous about returning to work.  They are getting better every day though, so I'm hopeful and confident that I'll be able to transition back to work after the next 2 weeks of resting.  My tumor is in the vision part of my brain, so it's not entirely surprising.

I had issues with my short-term memory, especially right after surgery.  I feel like my memory is just about back to "old" normal, which is GREAT.

The other big difference I'm continuing to adjust to/deal with is my sense of direction and ability to orient myself.  Before surgery, I had a terrible sense of direction (as you all know from me turning us in the wrong direction or getting us lost, all the time).  I seem to have lost what little sense of direction I had.  This is NOT good.  I've lived in my tiny 460 square foot apartment for 3.5 years, and I had one night where I went to go to the bathroom.  When I came out and turned the light off to my dark apartment, I could not figure out how to get back to my bed.  I literally had to turn a light back on, see where I was standing, and figure out how to walk the 12 feet back to my bed.  I also come out of my front door and have to think about which direction to walk to get to the elevator, even though I should be able to do that in my sleep.  I walk down streets I've walked a hundred times and have to check street signs and really look around to find places I've gone plenty of times.  I can't picture driving directions, even on streets bordering my apartment that I've driven a thousand times, until I'm actually at the intersection itself.  (Side note: I'm not driving yet, but have given directions to friends that visit, and it's not easy.)

Mood wise, I'm improving but still feeling sad a lot of the time.  I think I'm a hot mess of emotions and hormones and drugs and steroids and physical recovery and it's gotten the best of me.  I'm hopeful that things will keep getting better though, especially as the drugs and steroids continue to get out of my system.  Getting out into our current Seattle sunshine and breathing some fresh air helps me a lot, so I spend a fair amount of time on my building's rooftop deck or taking short walks around the area.  As long as I don't get lost...