The world is not ending

Contrary to what I believed last week at this time, the world is not, in fact, coming to an end.  Since Jeff ended things, I've felt so lost, so very sad, and completely and entirely devastated.  I've cried every day (including today).  I look and feel like a zombie because I'm not sleeping.  I have no appetite (but on the plus side, I've lost the small bit of weight I put on after surgery).  I am not in a good place.

But I had lunch with my lovely friend Heather today (and her sweet baby Addy) and she reminded me that I deserve to receive as much love as I have to give, and that things happen for a reason.  I truly believe in the "things happen for a reason" thing, although I have yet to figure out why I was oh so lucky to jump on the brain tumor bandwagon, nor do I know what the "reason" is for Jeff and I ending in the big picture of life, but she is right.  It was not meant to be.  Which makes me sad... but at the same time I am hopeful for finding love in the future.  This was just not meant to be.

I TRULY feel so so lucky that Jeff came into my life when he did.  We had been on 2 dates when I got the "we think it's a brain tumor" phone call, and he didn't get freaked out or peace out (which he COMPLETELY could have done, totally understandably).  Instead, he said it was no big deal and became a huge source of support and care and love (and doctorly advice) and even much-needed distraction for me at the time in my life when I really needed it the most.  And I really believe that my tumor diagnosis and surgery and Jeff being in my life were meant to be hand in hand.   I am SO thankful for him during that crazy time.

I am still sad, and lonely, and confused, but in the long run, things ARE going to be okay.  Better than okay.  Wonderful even.  I just wish time would pass a bit faster so I could get past this rough patch (and rough year) and get to the other side of this.