As I get "more normal" and more time passes since surgery, I'm becoming hyperaware of the permanent adjustments to my brain as a result. There are new things that pop up as well, or maybe things that I just never really took notice of. When I had my first MRI checkup, I asked Dr. M how long it would take for my brain to fully recover and regain any functionality that it would. I cannot for the life of me remember if he said 6 months or 12 months, but I'm just a couple weeks short of the 6 month mark and wondering if this is how things will be, or if there will be further adjustments. We'll just have to see.
One new thing I've been noticing recently, just in the last week, has to do with my ability to recall words. And we're talking EASY words, not random tip-of-the-tongue references that you have to Google to find the word for. Today in a meeting at work, I could not think of the word "script," even though my coworker had just used it in the sentence I was responding to. It took me about 10 seconds to come up with the word. The other night, I was trying to think of the name for my blow-up air mattress. That would be "aerobed." It came to me the next morning. A few days ago, I couldn't think of the word to describe the different things that Expedia sells (e.g. flights, hotels, cars, etc.). My coworker goes, "You mean 'products'?" Ugh, DUH!! I really don't recall having issues remembering everyday normal words like this until very recently. I hope it's not an indicator that anything fishy is going on in my brain that shouldn't be...
I've also figured out that when my sleep suffers, my eyes suffer too. I've always been a crappy sleeper, which has gotten a little worse since surgery, and a LOT worse lately with the breakup, so my eyes are quite unhappy with me. They are super tired all day and don't want to focus in the morning. They get even more tired throughout the day, and driving at night makes me a smidge nervous as things are a little blurrier than I'm used to. I've had to limit my reading, and I can't read on the bus anymore because it just devastates my eyes for the day. I'm hoping that as my sleep improves (hopefully... someday...) my eyes will become happier again. I'm considering seeing a sleep specialist, but who knows.
On the plus side, I am realizing that while my directional and orientation issues are still there, I'm able to sort of relearn ways to get places effectively. I still have little directional "blackouts" as I call them, where I'm somewhere familiar and totally blank on which way to go (sort of like my current word recall issue, hmmmm). But I am able to better recall the ways to get places after I've done them more. Like I can picture the entire drive to Target again, which I couldn't do before. I think I'll always get disoriented super easy and need GPS and have other people navigate, but at least the places I go to regularly are coming back to me as I go to them more and more. WHEW.
I'm learning to accept and adapt to my new post-surgery brain's shortcomings, but am still optimistic that I can perhaps be even more normal than the 99% that I feel like I'm at now. Cross your fingers!
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